How do you know?

I hope you started singing the song from Enchanted when you saw this post's title. This is long, and personal. It's for the kids.

Some of my dear friends have asked me, "how do you know?"

I mean, this is a big decision, the whole marriage thing. It's like I'm shopping for shoes, but if I buy the shoes then I have to wear those shoes every day for the rest of my life! Just kidding, I'm not relating my fiance to a pair of shoes. 

Anyway, I decided to document how I know, just, you know, for the posterity.


For anyone living under a rock, I didn't know if I was supposed to get married or go on a mission a year ago. But, I had to decide if I wanted to start my papers or not in April. I prayed. and I prayed. I fasted and I prayed some more. Then I went to the temple and did it all over again. I was feeling so good about a mission but I was feeling so good about Trace as well. Then I realized, Trace is on a mission. I'm not going to receive revelation that I should marry him. It's not the time. I also had a very cool experience with my patriarchal blessing, which speaks about "choosing" my companion. (I always thought this just meant so many people would want to marry me, I'd get to choose... whoops) I was very content with my decision.

It wasn't three days after Trace got home before he started a sentence and then said "never mind". I pried, because I'm a prier. He said "it's too personal!" I came back with "you tell me EVERYTHING!" then I realized... "wait, is it about marriage?" "yeah..." I don't know if I was ready for this conversation. I hadn't prayed about it since he'd been home! I didn't have time! He'd been home 3 days! But, alas, we had the conversation.

Apparently, Trace had been doing a lot of thinking and pondering about the two of us. He kept joking with his companion that he was going to propose the day he got home! And his cute Honduran companion would say "No! Elder Rodgerson! You have to wait!" Well, the time came for Trace to come home, but before he did, he got to go to the Preston temple. He sat in the chapel, thinking about yours truly, and what starts playing on the organ? Oh, only my favorite hymn, Lead Kindly Light. Now, don't forget, he's telling me this story 3 days after I haven't seen him in 2 years. I should be freaking out and running from this creepo. But, no. The spirit was out of control powerful. I wasn't even asking, and I was being told, this is right. So, that was the first time I knew.


But how do I know I can put up with living with a man for the rest of my life? Well, I wanted to make sure I could always recognize why I love Mr. Trace so much. So I started keeping a list. On my phone. Every night when I got home, I'd put a couple reasons down.

Here's how I know...

1. I would rather talk to you than text you
2. You are so ridiculously good looking
3. You play with me, no matter who's watching
4. You dance for me even if you look like an idiot
5. We rap while we clean your room. You on point T?
6. You open my car door.
7. You spend time at my house
8. You always tell me I "look very nice"
9. You always walk me to the door at night
10. You tell me how you feel
11. You learn new things about me, even if they are the tiniest details, you ask questions
12. Sometimes you're needy like me
13. We always pray together, you taught me to talk about my prayer first. Your prayers make me so happy
14. The way you are with my family melts my heart
15. You call me sweetheart and sweet girl
16. You hold my hand when we drive
17. You love your mama
18. I love your mama
19. You always offer to help
20. You carry my things for me, no matter what I'm holding
21. You are just as excited to be married as me
22. You tuck me in when I'm sick
23. You tell me I'm beautiful
24. You are friends with my mom
25. Your prayers are so sincere. I know you know ho you're praying to
26. I love your relationship with Heavenly Father
27. We can just drive and not talk
28. We can talk about ANYTHING
29. You are so sensitive to me and my feelings
30. You work so hard to balance all your relationships
31. You look our for my relationships with my family and sisters
32. You let me use a million pet names and sometimes you use them too
33. You love me so much and you work so hard to improve and strengthen our relationship
34. You eat what I cook and compliment it every time, even if I mess it up
35. You hold my hand at church
36. You read me scriptures while I lay in bed
37. You rub my shoulders, even if I have to ask
38. You tell me you love me
39. You get worried when you don't hear from me
40. You asked me to marry you!
41. You do cheesy things like scavenger hunts because you know I love them
42. You come see me for fifteen minutes so we don't go a day without seeing each other
43. You call me and text me before you go to sleep even if I'm sleeping
44. Did I mention how attractive you are?
45. You make me laugh
46. I am so giddy when I leave your house
47. I miss you so much when I'm not with you
48. We can take naps together on the same couch and not even touch, we both love sleeping that much
49. My nephews love you and you are amazing with them. You will be a wonderful father
50. You let me buy you food and you don't make a big deal about it
51. We are really good at communicating (mostly)
52. I love your memory. You can recall the tiniest things about experiences we have had together
53. I love how we pray together, I feel so safe with you holding my hands
54. You give me genuine compliments and you make sure I understand and accept them.
55. You help me with my homework
56. Your art is so wonderful and I love how dedicated you are to it.
57. You know the scriptures so well
58. You don't like haunted houses
59. You say cheesy things, and you mean them
60. You listen to the spirit when you pray
61. You care so much for Zach
62. You play with Joshy
63. Your parents love you and you love them
64. You have so much respect for your sister and her hubby
65. You don't get sick of me even when we are together from 8:45am-11:45pm
66. You help clean up
67. When neither of us want to leave our houses you show up at my house
68. You are so at home at my house
69. You have to let go of my hand to tell a story so you can talk with your hands
70. You let me wear your favorite and only pair of shorts home because I'm too tired to change
71. You like to snuggle, just like me. And, when I move away, you follow
72. You drive me home and get me ready for bed when I have anxiety attacks... (it was once!)
73. You like to say "fiance"
74. You understand how much anxiety I get with all the wedding stuff and you are very sensitive to that
75. You put me first. All the time
76. You are willing to spend all day with my extended family even when you aren't feeling well. Because you know it's important to me.
77. You tell me mission stories
78. "Why do I like you? You're so obnoxious, but I can't get enough of it!"
79. You make me out-of-control-zero-attractive laugh my head off
80. You keep things light. When we need to have serious talks, you find ways to joke and relax me
81. You are literally my best friend.


Well, there you have it. And there are more reasons every day.

I can't wait to marry this guy.